Lewis has a twin!

So I have Lewis a little orange cat that I have had for a few months now. Well last week he multiplied!! A cat that looks almost exactly the same has made her self at home. She comes through the little kitty door and she really seems to enjoy sleeping on my couch. Lewis seems to like her too (I think it may be love). It’s just so funny because they look so much alike! Almost to the key. There eyes are different but other then that there almost exactly the same. I don’t think that she will be leaving anytime soon. I have tried locking her outside but then she just sits out the door and cries to be let in. So I guess I have two little orange cats now. I have decided to call her Lorelai. Oh and she is not the only cat that comes around there is a black cat that seems to like my house as well. He has not made it his home yet like Lorelai. Let’s hope it stays that way! I really don’t want to be the neighborhood cat lady! Even though my house seems to have become the neighborhood house for cats! :)

Where is my home?

I’m always missing someone. . . .

I miss so many people it’s almost unbelievable. My heart longs to be with all the people I love. I can't though because I live far from them. Yet then I have close friends here that I would miss if I was not with them. It can be really hard living the life I live. I have family and close friends in America I also have close friends in Australia. I have people all over the world that I love and miss. It’s so hard sometimes. Oh I would love so much to be able to hug my sister again.

Or to sit and talk with my best friends. I love living here in
Thailand but sometimes I really miss other places. How can one person have there heart in so many places. You hear people say

“your home is where your heart is”

So where does that leave me? Where is my home? Thailand, America, Australia? My heart is in each three of those places. How is that possible? My heart is with the Children, yet it is also to be with my friends in Australia and I long so much to be with my family in America.

I know that I am in the place God wants me for now. Don’t get me wrong I love so much living in Chiang Rai. I love my job so
much. I’m so blessed to be doing what I do. The kids bless my life more then words can express. I just guess I’m home sick for the other places where my heart is.

Sometimes God may ask you to walk a harder road but it's the more rewarding road.

I get sad sometimes walking this road and yes I feel pain. There are times that I just want to

give up and not go on. I feel so sacred and alone and all I want is to just stop and give up. It can be so hard to just keep going.

I have been reading the book “Oh, the Places You'll Go” by Dr. Seuss. Yes I know it’s a kids book but I work with kids so what can you do. :-) But anyways the part when he is all alone. When I come to that part of the book God always speaks softly to me that I am NOT alone so when I go on I don’t have to go alone.

He is right there with me.
Even if I cant always feel him. He is always there.

Lately I have been really sad because I miss people I love. I have felt alone. I have been scared and felt like giving up. But on I will go. Even though I so badly miss them I would not change anything about my life. God has blessed me more then I ever thought possible and all I did was say “Lord I give you all of my life” I may miss people deeply and I might even wish sometimes that I could just be with them always.

Where my pain is with missing people there also is my joy.

See I have people all over the world that I love and love me. I have a family that yes misses me but supports the work I do. I have close friends all over that love me and I love. I have so many people to be thankful for. If I had said no to God and stayed in America I would have missed out on my blessings.

I am learning that I can give my life to God and not feel fear but more so I can be excited on the things he will do in my life (the fear does still come in sometimes. I am still human). Because I said to God “I give you all of my life” there are ten beautiful children that I get the blessing of helping to raise. Because I said to God I would go and do anything for you I now have close friends all over the world that I don’t know what I would do with out. I am so blessed because I gave up my life to live the life he has for me. I just came across this quote from C.T Studd

“If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be to great for me to make for him”

This was his life motto and Im trying to make it mine as well. I love God with all of my heart and I trust him with my life. So there really is no sacrifice when walking with him. My heart is to ALWAYS seek after God's heart. He is my heart.

So I guess my home is where my heart is. My heart is God. My home is in him.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU  are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets.  Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry.  Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll  start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF  you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
       The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a  train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.  there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some  times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All  Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never  mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Happy Birthday Gran Anne!

Gran Anne you are so amazing. . .

I love you so much and I thank my Lord that he was so kind to bless me with you for my Grandmother.

The world is a better place with you in it Gran Anne. Your heart is so very big and full of love.

I pray that I can be even half of the person you are. I love you so much.

I pray that your birthday was a wonderful time full of Joy!

I wish I was able to be there with you but you are ALWAYS in my HEART!

I miss the times we had together of watching Gilmore Girls and just talking. All of my life I have looked up to you and prayed that God would give me a heart like yours. You are one of the most amazing people I know.

I miss you so much . . .


I love you so . . .

I surrender all . . .

SURRENDER
Marc James

I'm giving You my heart and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of You my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender
All to You, all to You

Im singing You this song, Im waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing Your for the glory of Your name

To know the lastin joy, even sharing in Your pain

Thanksgiving.

I love thanksgiving. Since I can remember I have loved this day. It’s a day where you can really think about everything you’re thankful for. I try to always be thankful for the blessing in my life. It’s just nice to have a whole day where you can really just let your self feel thankful and blessed. I remember when I was a little I loved on thanksgiving to say all the things that I was thankful for. My favorite thing was to say I was thankful for the trees. I know this might sound silly but I remember thinking how God is so cool because if he did not make trees we would not be alive because we need the trees so that we can breathe. So I made sure to always say that I was thankful for the trees. Of course I’m still thankful for trees but while I sit here today I think more about the people in my life that I’m thankful and how blessed I am to know them. I think over my life and all the people that have come and gone and I just feel so very blessed. This year God has brought some of the most amazing people into my life. I can’t get over how blessed I have been this year with new friends. I also think a lot about my family today. How blessed I am to have them as my family. I got to talk with some of my family today, first I talked to my best friend in the whole world (my sister Deborah) It was amazing to just talk with her. Then I got to talk with my daddy who I have not talked to in so long. We talked a lot about my kids and remembered back to when I was a little girl. Talking to my family was a huge blessing to me today. While I was sitting there talking with them I just felt so happy to have them in my life. I love you guys I miss you so much and I’m soooo thankful that you are in my life Deborah, Rebecca, Kati, Mom and Daddy. God has blessed me so much with all of you.

I just love this feeling of thankfulness. I long to live in thankfulness always. I want to each day be thankful for the blessings God has given me. But more so I long to be thankful to God even when I can’t seem to see the blessing and only see the hardness of life. I’m so blessed to know God. I’m blessed that each day I can become closer to my Lord. I’m so thankful that Jesus Christ is in my life. The best thing that has even happen in my life was Jesus. He is the love of my life. He is my best friend. He is my ALL. In everything that’s gone on in my life he has always been there with me. I may have not seen him there at the times but he was there holding me walking with me teaching me. I sit here today feeling so very blessed. Blessed because I can look at the things that the Lord has done in my life and be thankful. Thank you Father so much for everything you have done in my life. For the family you gave me for the friends you gave me. Thank you so much for the children that you blessed me with here at baan num jai. Lord help me to always be thankful for your blessings. To always have joy in you. Farther bless my family and friends today. I love you Lord. AMAN

I miss you . . .

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

When I think back over my life I thank God that you were in it always. I know that I am truly blessed to live the life I live. I thank God everyday for bringing me here to Thailand. I love what I do with all my heart. The children bring me more joy then words can express. It’s just sometimes, like on my birthday that I realize that I’m not with you. That I cant just get in my car and come and see you. That when I’m sad I can’t come and receive the hug I need from you . . . . That when you’re sad that I can’t run and give you the hug you need. Even a phone call is not something I can do whenever I want or need. You are 12 hours away from me . . . all the way around the world. Times like on my birthday are when it hits me just how far away you are. Or times when I just NEED my sister’s hugs are times that it’s hard to be so far away. When I remember back to our times together. . . .I’m filled with JOY but also SADNESS because I know that it will be a long time before I SEE you again . . . before I can hug you again. Our lives are changing we are moving and live away from one another now . . . but I will always hold you in my heart. No matter where life takes us you will always be in my heart! I love you my sisters so very much and I feel so blessed that you are MY sisters! Even though it’s hard at times to not be with you always, you will always be in my heart. We have a special friendship as well has being sisters I thank God for that. I thank God that you are in my life Deborah, Rebecca and Kathleen! I love you and I miss you so more then words can let me express! Thank you for being not just my sisters but also my best friends! I love you . . .

love your sister,

Grayce

Words of encouragment!

Hi Daddy. . .

I'm home now. I’m here with you. I’ve got many things to tell you. I love you dad and I know you want to hear me saying this everyday. Thank you dad for your arms that embrace me. The tears from my eyes are full of joy from your love. I promise you that from now on I will become a new person, spiritually and physically. I will truly belong to you. I'm going to make you proud.

I love you . . .



You asked me where am I? My child I’m with you and I will always be. It’s true that you are weak but when you are in me then you are strong. I love you so much, I couldn’t ever let you die. I’m so close to you. I can even feel the way you feel about all things. I know all your pain you are going through because I’m grieving with you. But now I’m going to set you free from all pain. Therefore you most stand firm. You don’t have to die to be free from the enemy because I have taken all your sins away. Now you are in me and you will live in me. I will lead you into the righteous path. My dear child I love you and I will never leave you because you are truly mine.

You are my dearest daughter. . .



These were words that my dear friend Peaw gave me while I was in DTS. Every time I read them I feel more love from my Farther God. It spoke to my heart back when she gave them to me and still does to this day. Thank you Father God for speaking to my friend Peaw and thank you Lord that she obeyed you and told me what you said! Lord thank you for the ways for speak to me. I love you Lord so much!

PUNISH that Bithday FUN! :D

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

PUNISH that YEAR!

It’s almost my birthday and I’m sitting here thinking about my year. . . .

so much has happen this year.
It’s been a truly amazing.

Its been a HARD . . . GOOD . . . HARD . . . GOOD . . . LIFE CHANGING year!

Last year on my birthday I was in Jacksonville Fl, with my friends there. This year I am in Chiang Rai Thailand with my friends here.
So much has changed this year. I moved to Thailand the biggest change. I did a DTS that was so amazing and life changing. My older sister got married. I started learning a new language. I’m doing what I have longed to since I was 15! I’m working with beautiful children and living as a missionary! So many things have changed over this year.

But the most important thing that’s happen is my relationship with God has grown more then I ever thought possible.

My only prayer is that it will only grow more in the years to come.

How do you sum up a year like I had . . . . . It was an amazing life changing time.

Harder then I thought more rewarding then I thought. It was a year of centering my life on GOD! God is truly amazing! I pray that this next year I will be able to only GROW more in HIM. That he would become more of the center of who I am.

It’s hard to think about my life and not be thankful . . . I have had a lot of hurts and pains . . . but I am still thankful to my LORD for giving me life.
I’m thankful for all that I have learned through those hurts and pains. That gives me hope that I will be able to learn and grow more in God in the hardships to come. That God IS with me HOLDING MY HAND helping me walk out his plans. I have never been alone and I will ever be alone. God is ALWAYS with ME! Always GUIDING me.

HE has laid out my life before ONE day PASSED(psalm 139:16)
That gives me HOPE!

Because I DON’T know what tomorrow will bring, I DID not KNOW what this year would bring! GOD was so FAITHFUL to me in so many ways this year. I have FAITH that GOD will KEEP being faithful in the years to come!

I know that even though I will STUMBLE I will not FALL because the Lord IS holding my HAND! (psalm 27:23–24) I pray that the steps I take WILL always be firm in GODS WAYS!

LORD I pray that this next year will be one that GLORIFIES you. That you will help me with everything. Lord I want your ways over my own always. Help me to always trust you more. Lord thank you for all you have done in my LIFE and ALL that you are DOING. Lord thank you that my LIFE is not really mine, but YOURS! Lord please help me to not take it into my hands but to daily lay my life into yours. LORD thank you for everything that’s happen this year thank you for all you have been teaching me. LORD THANK YOU!

I LOVE you so much JESUS! Help me to always long to grow MORE in YOU!

Thank you.

AMAN!

Bom

Last night was an amazing night. I prayed with Bom to ask Jesus in his heart! As I was putting him to bed he asked me “Pi Grayce am I a Christian, what is a Christian” so I told him what it means to be a Christian and then I asked him if he believed with all his heart. Then I lead him in prayer. It was so amazing. I could see on his face joy while he was praying. The joy that it brought me can’t be explained in words. God is so GOOD! I feel so blessed that I was able to be used by God in that way. I really don’t know how to express in words what praying with Bom last night was like. It was AMAZING! God is GOOD! Over the past few weeks, the nannies and I have been praying with Bom about his dreams. He had been having very bad dreams and I prayed with him about it but also I told him that it’s important for him to pray out loud as well. So I would pray and ask Jesus to give him good dreams then have him pray after me. A few days later while I was giving goodnight kisses and hugs and prayers. Bom told me with a huge smile on his face “Pi Grayce I don’t have bad dreams for 3 nights. I pray and now I have no bad dreams!” I left work that night more amazed by Gods faithfulness. Last night I left even more amazed too. God is so amazing!

Im so blessed!

Last night I had so much FUN! Hope and Foon stayed the night with me it was amazing! We went to the night market with Pi Susie, Mae and Belle. We all walked around and saw all the fun exciting things to see. Everyone was able to buy a little something fun. We had a yummy sack to eat and then walked around a bit more. Then it was time to go home. It being past there bed time some of the little ones were falling asleep in the car ride home. Then Hope and Foon stayed at my house and Mae and Belle at Pi Susie’s. When we got home it was off to bed for them! We read a few stories then fell fast to sleep! The sweetness of a child. I love it. This morning we had lots of fun as well, we made pancakes and they ate bananas with there’s :-) We watched a little bit of a movie and then read a bit more in some books. Both Hope and Foon had lots of fun playing with Lewis (my kitten) I really loved having that special time with them. I realize so much when I’m with these kids that I’m so BLESSED by GOD! I thank him with all my heart for bringing me here to baan num jai. I don’t think that there are words to express how much these little ones mean to me! I love them so much and I know that I am truly blessed. I had a really good day yesterday! The children bring me so much JOY! I’m so blessed by God to have them apart of my life! I wish that I could fully express in words how special last night was for me with the kids. Some times I think it’s just hard to find those words that express your heart. None the less though last night was a special time! I love the children so much and I’m so blessed!

WAKE UP CALL!!

There was seriously no sleepinng for me! hehe

The other morning I woke up at like 5:30ish and felt so strongly to check my email!! I was not sure why I mean it was 5:30am on a Saturday morning!! The LAST thing I wanted to do was be awake, and why on earth should I check my email?! But I thought well if going down stairs to check my email would help me to fall back asleep then I will go. But there were no new emails! So pretty much at that point I was like seriously why am I not SLEEPING! So I went back to my bed. I decided that this most be God waking me up so I prayed and asked God to show me why he woke me up. Then it hit me. While I was looking at my emails to my friends I realized that in them I tell them heaps! I talk about things that are good, bad, hard, and serious but I also talk about a lot of silly things or little not really “important” things. God really spoke to my heart that yeah of course he wants me to seek him with the “big things” in my life. God is pleased that I keep going to him with all that’s in my heart. But when I was praying I realized that so much lately I have been giving God my heart desires and giving over my life to him. But I have been leaving him out of everything else. God wants me to talk with him about everything I do. The “big things” and also the “little things”. Because to God what we think to be little or meaningless, to God it’s ALL important! I talk with my bestfriends about everything so why don’t I talk to God about EVERYTHING. God made me the way that I am, so all the things that I do “big” or “little” he wants to be apart of it. If I find something really silly he wants to hear about it. God desires to know me Grayce Elizabeth, he longs for me to let him into ALL the parts of my life the BIG ones but also ALL the LITTLE ones! How cool is that?! I mean this is the God who created the world who made everything, he’s GOD and he wants to be my friend! That’s so amazing! God made us so that we could have relationship with him. He longs to be that bestfriend in my life that I run to with EVERYTHING not just with those "big things" not just when I’m not sure how to take those “big” steps but also he wants to be there when i'm taking those “little” steps! He wants to enjoy everything that I enjoy! I think this is so amazing! So I desire to not just keep letting God into only the “big” things but to also involve him with those “little” things. God is my bestfriend and just like with my friends here I tell them about everything. I tell them about things in my everyday life. About things that are serious but also all the silly things too. I long to always be closer to God then I am with my friends here. I want to yes of course seek him with those choices that affect my future but I always want to let him into my now! I mean like I want him in my everyday life! I want him to seriously be my BESTFRIEND! So even if I think it might be to “little” or “meaningless” for God to want to hear about. I know the truth is that God cares about EVERYTHING I care about so I will let him into my life! ALL the parts of my life! Even though it was 5:30am on a Saturday morning, I’m thankful to God for showing me that to him everything in my life is meaningful and important! God is just pretty much amazing! I love him! I love how he speaks to me! If it’s through old emails to friends or through his voice or through the words in the bible! Or whatever way he uses! I just LOVE IT! God truly amazes me more and more. It’s AWESOME! REALLY and TURLY! (in the words of my sister Deborah)

Eunice is coming home to me!

My amazing friend Euince Rebecca Nieuwburg from my dts will be here on September 28. I cant wait! she is coming here to staff with the DTS for 3 years. Eunice is one of my bestfriends and I am so thankful to my Lord that she is in my life! Im so glad that shes going to be here with me fully PUNISHING Chiang Rai! Eunice is a amazing woman of God and she has fed my soul so much! Thank you Jesus for my Mama Newnice! I love you sweetie and I look forward to seeing you again and giving you a huge HUG! Your a wonderful lady and any one who knows you is turly blessed! I sure am to know you! You are going to do amazing here in Thailand because God is with you and he will help you, and lead all your steps! I am here too so we will punish together! I CANT WAIT! I love you Eunice Rebecca! Your a ture blessing on my life! Thank you for being who you are and for becomeing one the bestfriends a girl could have! Your AMAZING! God bless you and I will see you on the 28th!!! :-)

"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates."

God’s faithfulness....... Is God seriously ever not faithful? I mean seriously I think sometimes when Im laying something into Gods hands I think can I really trust that God will be faithful with this part of my life? Its like in the back of my head I think this will be that one time God wont be faithful to me. How silly is that?! I mean God seriously can’t not be faithful. He IS always faithful. ALWAYS! There has NEVER been a time in my life that God has not been faithful to me. He has and WILL always lead me to where he wants me. Every time I give God more of my life he shows me more about just how FAITHFUL he is. It seems strange to me that I think so often that God won’t be faithful. Time and time again though God reveals to me how faithful he is. I can always trust him with the things I lay down before him. In the book a Beautiful Way by Dan Bauman, he says "there is no fear that can keep us from obeying god" this is so true! I think often my biggest fear is can I really trust God with my life, can I really trust him with the desires of my heart? But even though I have this fear that God might not always be faithful to me (has silly has that fear is) I wont let it keep me from obeying God. God asked me to give my life over to him, to trust him with my heart desires. So even though it’s a bit scary to fully surrender my life over to my Lord, I WILL give it to him. I have said it many times but it’s just so TURE, that Gods BEST is FAR better then my LITTLE good! God has been teaching me a lot lately about faith. Faith that what’s in my heart is from him. Faith to give my heart back to him. Faith to wait patiently for him to fulfill the desires of my heart.

I came across this quote by Amy Carmichael "It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates." . . . . . .WOW is pretty much what I thought when I read that quote! I knew this but I don’t know when I read it was like wow man that’s so true it is SAFE to TRUST God with the desires in my heart, because I gave my heart over to God so what’s there in my heart is what God amazing wonderful God placed there. So I will trust him with them. I will wait on his timing to fulfill them, because his timing is BEST! I mean it is hard though at times to wait for Gods timing, when I would just REALLY like to have those heart desires NOW. but i WILL wait! I will wait not because I have to obey God, but because I long to see why he wants me to wait....understand? I mean like right now just seems like it would be really GOOD to have those desires that are in my heart, but if God is telling me to wait patiently then there most be a really AMZING reason for me to wait. Like he most have something really awesome to show me in the mean time or WHEN I finely receive those heart desires its going to be far more amazing then I would have ever thought! (I believe that it’s both) I don’t have to have fear though to trust him with my heart, because I KNOW that God WILL fulfill what he has promised me. So Im waiting patiently for him to fulfill his promises, and I am learning to be faithful to the promises I make to him! I long to be faithful to God. To not just receive his beautiful faithfulness but to also be faithful to him. So I WILL have FAITH that God will FULFILL those desires in my heart, and I WILL be FAITHFUL to the promises I make to him! Even though it will get hard (has been hard at times) to wait patiently for God to fulfill those desires, I will keep SEEKING him for more faith, trust and patients! So even though it would be really GOOD to have those heart desires NOW, I think waiting for them is better because then it’s not just good but it’s the BEST! I want Gods best for my life. So I will wait PATIENTLY for his timing to FULFILL those desires in my heart!

Patiently waiting!

Giving God my whole life….. Learning how to really do this is a journey all in its self. Sacrificing my hopes and dreams and trusting that if I give God my heart he WILL give me my deepest desires. God is faithful all the time. I know I can trust God with my heart. With my life. With my dreams. With my deep heart desires! With EVERYTHING! Since my last outreach (in dts) God has been teaching me to fully trust him with my heart. Asking me to give over to him my all that I long for. To fully give him all the parts of my life not just the parts that I want to. I long to live a life that’s running after Jesus, a life that’s not my own a life that anything and everything I do would come out of the deep love I have for my God. That Jesus Christ would be the very core of who I am. I long to always trust God with everything! God has been teaching me to fully trust that he knows what he’s doing. Living a life that’s not mine own is really hard at times, but oh my goodness so EXCITEING! I know that I will have the very best because Gods BEST so much better then the little good I can make for myself. So here I am just trying to fully trust God with my life. With all the things in my heart. With my ministry with where I will live, with all that I long to do, even with who I will merry or if I will ever get married. I long more then anything to fully give my life over to my Lord. To truly believe that Gods best really is the BEST! God is so FAITHFUL though! Time and time again he surprises me with things that I never thought of or could even dream of! I know that the life I’m living out is a life that’s all about Jesus! That everything I do is coming out of the love that I have for MY GOD! Even though I really don’t know what tomorrow will bring I know that I CAN trust God with it all! His hands are beautiful and kind and very faithful so I once again place my heart in his hands. Asking him to give me the faith I need to trust him. I know that my heart is for my Lord so I know that whatever may come tomorrow will be the best! That through any hard times I may have that I can trust that God knows what he’s doing. That I can trust that GOD is GOOD ALL THE TIME! That God WILL lead me to where he longs for me to be! I LONG for GODS BEST! God’s ways are far higher then my ways and I long that I will always seek after his beautiful ways!! That he would help me to WAIT PATIENTLY for his timing in everything! God really has been speaking to me a lot lately its been truly amazing! Giving me a true since of peace in his timing. I know and have faith that God takes delight in every detail of my life! (psalm 37:23-24) That even if I stumble I will NOT fall because the Lord IS leading me by the hand! That if I delight in him he will bless me with my deepest desires! (psalm 37:4) I lay my requests before the Lord and wait in expectation. (psalm 5:3) I love my life because well it’s NOT my life its all GODS! I will WAIT PATIENTLY for the Lord!

Jason Upton Lyrics -

I will wait for you, JesusYou're the sun in my horizonAll my hopes in you, JesusI can see you now arising(repeat)

There's a wall that stands in front of meThat I know I just can't climbAnd like an eagle you will carry meIts just a matter of the time

I will wait for you, JesusYou're the son in my horizon All my hopes in you, Jesus I can see you now arising

Evil armies all around me

I believe in the word that promises me So I will wait another day

I will wait for you, JesusYou're the son in my horizon All my hopes in you, JesusI can see you now arising(repeat)

I will wait for you Oh I will wait for youOh the doubt may try to come in The disillusions may try to come in

I believe oh Lord (x3)

In the word that you promised (x3)

I believe it will not end

I believe it will not go

I will wait for you, JesusYou're the son in my horizon All my hopes in you, JesusI can see you now arising

I WILL WAIT FOR YOU LORD!

His Truth

PSALM 139. . .

1 O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. 5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! 20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? 22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Bed time prayers…

I just love bed time at baan num jai. The children love to receive prayers before bed and I love to pray over them. Each night I hear “Pi’ Grayce pray longer” I just love it. To see them love to pray brings me so much joy! I love that time where I can go and just pray over each of them and talk with them about there day. The sweetness of a child. They always want to give lots of kisses before bed and they always want me to “stay longer!!!!’ it’s so very cute! I just love it from the bottom of my heart! Tonight I prayed when I prayed with Belle I talked with her for a little bit about how much I love her and how much God loves her. I told her that I love her a lot but that Jesus loves her so much more then I ever could. She just listened intently it was amazing! I gave her a hug and a kiss goodnight and she gave me one back and when she hugged me she just held tight. It was so amazing. I’m not even sure there are words to express just how much. Tonight was an AWESOME night with the kids! I feel so amazingly blessed to be here and to be working with such AMAZMING children! Thank you Lord so much for the baan num jai kids! I love them with all my heart! God has blessed me more then I could ever have hoped for! Thank you Jesus so much for this gift. Well I’m not really sure how to put just how amazing today was in words but well it was just really AMZING!! I’m so blessed!

Late night thoughts or early morning thoughts it just depeands on how you look at it!

Here I sit awake it’s about 3:30 in the morning.

It’s raining outside and it’s just so peaceful. I’m sitting in my house. It's so weird to me that I have a house. I have been back in Chiang Rai for I guess 2 weeks now. I’m working with the beautiful children of baan num jai again. Oh I am so blessed! Everyday I go to baan num jai (home of the open heart in Thai) I realize just how much God has blessed my life. I have wanted to live in Thailand as a missionary since I was 15. There were so MANY times that I thought I would NEVER be back here. What a journey God has taken me on. It was a hard one, but I would change nothing about it. All the things in my life that were so very hard I now look back on and thank God that I had to go through them. That may sound a little weird but they all shaped me into the person I am. I don’t really know how to explain in words everything that goes through my head. I feel so very blessed to live this life. I am so blessed to work with the children at baan num jai. They are truly amazing. Everyday that I go and I play with them and I hold them, it hits me just how amazing they are. I came here because I wanted to be a blessing to them and I find myself being blessed by them more and more each time I go to work. God is so amazing there really are no right words to express just how much! When I think about how badly I wanted to come back here since I was 15. I think about Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires.

It’s so cool to see God work out his will for your life. He placed in my heart the desire to live in Thailand. Now he has blessed me with it. How cool is God. It’s hard for me to fully express how amazing it is to walk this all out. It’s been a great journey. God is good now and always! So even though I really don’t know what tomorrow will bring me, I can hold on to the fact that God knows. I look forward to all God has in store for my life. To see what heart desires he will place in my heart and then see how he will help me walk it out.

How amazing is our God?!

There is so much that God has done in my life through DTS it’s been truly amazing. God is so good! NOW and ALWAYS!

Me being home is a testament to his faithfulness!! I had coped with the thought of not being able to come home for my sisters wedding and then it was looking like I could come home and it was all up and down. I would have a flight then I'd lose it and I was feeling so discouraged about coming. But here I sit in Jacksonville! My sisters wedding was beautiful and I know that the only reason I am here is because of the faithfulness of my God! He has blessed me with this time with my family and friends! He made a way where there was no other way. God is so faithful in every single part of my life! It’s so amazing! I sit here and remember back to when I was on my last outreach and how upset I was and how sad I was that I would not be able to go to Rebecca’s wedding. I just did not see a way it could happen. I just did not know what to do. I got to a point where I did not even know what to pray. Then my good friend Shane played me this song by Jason Upton and it was so amazing how God met me in the misted of my doubt! The song talked about how, you can not know and that when I just don’t know, my eyes are on you Lord! I have learned that God is faithful ALL the TIME not just when I am full of faith but even when I am FULL of DOUBT! He is still faithful and he walks with me and he cares about everything I care about. That he gives good gifts to those who ask! Matthew 7:11 If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him
How amazing is our God?!

Gideon lyrics
Jason Upton

Lyrics:
I don’t have the power I don’t even have a clue I don’t know all the answers I don’t even know a few And if I were really honest And the truth were known of me It may sound a little funny But this is what My prayer would be I don’t know what to do But my eyes are on you I don’t know what to do But my eyes are on you, My Lord I lift my eyes toward the heavens I tune my ear to your command Help me boast in my condition You’re the God and I’m the man
Link to 'Gideon'

The Best is Yet to Come!

DTS is over and it was so sad to leave and to say goodbye to all my new amazing friends. But I can stand firm in Gods goodness and faithfulness. It was one of the HARDERST things I had to do. I know that the Lord gives and takes away. He gave me this amazing time with my friends and he now has taken it away but I can still say that he is GOOD all the TIME! I just know that I will see my friends again! So I don’t want to say goodbye but rather say I will SEE YOU SOON! DTS was so amazing and so LIFE CHANGING!! God blessed me with some really great friendships. People that love and care for me with all there heart! That understand me and has helped me grow closer to God. This was a short time and now it is over but it was a life changing time. We will never be the same. We came to DTS not really knowing what would happen and for me I came with many fears! I feared that I would not make any friends. That I would not know how to be the real me. All I can say is God is FAITHFUL! I have over come so many fears and you all have helped me overcome them! Thank you for being there with me and for helping me through all of it! Without you guys I know I would not have made it through. God gives us exactly what we need! And he knew I needed your friendships!! Thank you. It was so hard to leave you guys and my heart broke when I did. I may not know what tomorrow will bring but I know that God is good and he is faithful! So even though it was heart breaking to see all of you go. All I can do is look fordword to what is to come! Because the BEST is yet to come.

No Sacrifice

No Sacrifice
by Jason Upton
album: Faith (2001)

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life
To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?
Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is staronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life
To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past
Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life